Tag Archives: night

Hear Us, Love Us, Rescue Me

America’s greatest holiday and he’s away. Away on vacation with a family of his own? Some may consider it as such others call it his duty and right.

Meanwhile, I lie awake at night tossing and turning. I haven’t heard from him and I don’t expect to not for the next few days at least. You see, we’re on a schedule. Only once a week am I graced with his scruffy quiet voice as he whispers into my ear. But that’s only through an earpiece.

Seeing each other would be catastrophic and not for us but for the family who depends on him. The weight of the world is on his shoulders and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on my worst of enemies. It destroys a being, makes them lose their self. The small glimpses I see of him, I see the struggle.

Secretly, he wants to run away to the coast or to the tippy top of a mountain far from the demands of another. But, his knapsack holds him back. It’s filled with the memories and keepsakes of thousands depending on him.

So, he can’t come at my beck and call. He can’t lay by my side at peace. But, together, on opposite sides of the world, we can stare into the sky looking at the same sun, the same moon where I will pray for the slightest ease of pain that he may feel from a blast only feet away. And he will pray for the silence that the world must beg for.

Maybe together, he’ll come home someday.

Until then, I keep the porch light on and the bed warm so that when he does return, he’s more than welcomed to rest his weary spirit.

© 2017 Jessica Santos

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Tender is the Night

It was late like it was most nights. But he had just walked in the door. He heard the soft stream of music coming from their living room so he knew she was in one of her moods.

Dropping his things by the door, he took off his shoes and followed the music. He peered in the large room and found a glass of wine half drunk resting on the coffee table and Charles, their dog, sitting up on the rug begging to be carried.

She was swaying to and fro as each rhythmic beat throbbed into her chest. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and her eyes were bright and weary. A glow seemed to cascade around her as he dimmed the lights and joined her on the imaginary dance floor.

He took her hand and spun her slowly as the song gently changed. She pulled in close to him and he held her tight neither wanted to let the other go. But as they swayed and twirled into the night, the candle she lit earlier began to flicker.

They were no longer alone as their shadows danced along beside them. Still, they remained oblivious to the other couple as they began to pull apart and gaze into mirroring eyes.

She tentatively reached up and touched his unshaven cheek. He smiled and watched her eyes begin to droop heavily. He knew that she didn’t want to end their moment, so he turned the music down then bent to pick her up.

He cradled her against his chest and rocked her in his arms then carried her off to bed when her eyes fluttered shut. Charles followed close behind and when she was placed under the covers, he snuck under the comforter and curled up in her arms.

Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around the precious dog and pulled him closer. But before she drifted asleep, she whimpered softly begging for her lover’s arms too.

With the music still playing in the background, he undressed and slipped under the covers. He heaved a satisfactory sigh and slid closer to her warmth.

Comforted by his presence, she pushed herself against his chest to further intoxicate her senses and in response, he kissed her neck and stroked Charles’ sleepily heaving sides.

Back in the living room, the sweet smell of the wine infused with the warm quiet air. The other couple danced their last dance and soon the candle flickered out. The music continued to play gently through the night and somewhere in a dream the first couple continued their night.

© 2017 Jessica Santos

The Silent Killer is NOT (Just) Cancer

Lurking within me is a beast waiting for the right time. And like its prey, I have little to no warning of when it will emerge. But best be reassured that there is no way of escape. Like Cancer, there is no cure or way for peace; but, few seek a resolution and instead many must suffer.

Little know or have even heard of this thing that will forever control my life. To some, it is considered “the Silent Killer” and to others it is much worse as some, like myself, considered death to be a relief. The pain alone becomes so strong so as to cause one to stare lovingly, longingly at any breakable or sharp object.

Then there is one’s diet. Remember all the foods traditionally savored and enjoyed, like ice cream, cake, cookies, candy, there are even more that one must deny the pleasure of consuming. All are a special case but all crave for a whispering taste of any deliscious morsel.

And I can’t forget one of the most fought for natural right of one’s womenhood. Because if we dare to consider the thought of children, then we must prepare for a long hard battle that many fail to ever win though some do. Yet, it is through many attempts, calculations, drugs and tears that such a feat is obtained.

Do not forget though that often those who are deadly end up become secretly passed along so as many after may suffer through similar difficulties.

A sure sign of such is the taunt and glances of many upon another whose looks are not entirely of the norm. Those, like myself, are all too familiar with the daily battles against one’s own hair as this beast enjoys to lay its tail like a mustache upon our upper lip. Its hair could also be shed upon other parts of our body so as to create an art peice of its own.

But who is this artist? this mastermind? this beast? It is none other than Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.

If any knows of its slow death then it is well known that it not only gives physical torment but mental too. For how can one continue with life, when many only offer temporary aid. Is it not better to succomb to the beast’s ultimate wish? Is that the only way for relief?

© 2016 Jessica Santos