Tag Archives: connections

I’m Here Old Friend

“Just let it go. But, how can I? Nothing is the same any more.”

Now, I’m not afraid of the change. I’m more afraid of what I know to be true. They say the truth hurts but the truth hardly ever surprises me except this time…

At first, I thought it was anger. Then, my day went on and as I focused on how to get rid of it, I realized how wrong I was. It wasn’t anger at all. Instead, it was pain and sadness.

I don’t typically cry to express these two emotions. It tends to brew and hide itself under a false sense of anger which explains my confusion. (If I were to cry, that is usually out of relief.) So, knowing this, I know I’m not ready to let go.

I’m not ready because I don’t want to see my best friend in his last best suit. And the most painful part is knowing that he’s suffering. He use to be someone I sought for comfort. He was my protector, my guide and my right hand.

So, how am I suppose to let it go when the biggest question in my mind is what can I possibly do to help even though I know there is nothing I nor anyone else can do?

© 2016 Jessica Santos

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Pennies

Okay, here’s the deal
We want speed
But don’t forget to make it pretty
You can’t just slap it on
Call it a day
And move on
No
We don’t work like that
So you won’t either

Hurry up though
Time is ticking
Tempers are rising
They pay good money after all
The funniest part
You will only get ten an hour

How you will manage?
I do not know
To be honest
I do not care
Just clock in on time
Leave quickly
And always wear that smile
Cause if you don’t
They will know exactly how miserable you are

© 2016 Jessica Santos

Reality Check for the Parents of a Grown Daughter

Dear Parents,

Contrary to popular belief, I am not the baby any more. I traded in my baby fat for a pair of tits and an ass however big they are. I also somehow got a monthly bloody visitor thrown in the mix. She can be quite annoying, but oddly enough I catch myself anxiously awaiting her arrival from time to time.

Now, you may begin to think that this is just a “kid” whose acting out, rebelling or doesn’t understand the real world, but you are sadly wrong.

I’ve been hollered at by random guys, fending off the wrong crowd, fighting against peer pressure (even though at times I lost, but it did teach me several valuable lessons) and a witness to people walking in and out of my life. I admit that you probably have more experience in these fields, but you were once in my shoes. I’m sure you tried to have this discussion once before.

Regardless, I wanted to give you a heads up. I fuck, have a drink or two, and even experiment either with drugs or with life itself.

My goals haven’t changed though. I’m still working at being better than you (as you love to constantly remind me that this should be my number one goal). But, in order to do that, I have to gain more experience so that one day I can be in your shoes and warn my son or daughter against the very things I’m currently doing.

I promise that I’m doing this under my own consent and in full acknowledgement of what is going on. I know the harms of experimenting but I also see the many benefits as well.

Like I said, this is for my own good and I’m telling you now, because from my experience, it’s always better to be straight instead of beating the bush, even though figuratively speaking that can be very fun.

No matter what though, you did teach me to always be honest with you and more importantly myself. So see me for what and who I am now, not the baby who use to run around the house naked (though I don’t deny that I still do that on those hot summer days) but as a new and rising adult.

Oh! And if I happen to come stumbling through the front door, then please help me out like you would a friend. I don’t need the lecture. I’m fairly certain I’ll be pretty pissed at myself for getting carried away, especially when that hangover hits me.

But, until then, love me for me and know that I’m in college now. It’s time to “broaden my horizon” and give a toast to life.

Cheers!

Your Loving ADULT Daughter

Honey

He wants me to write
About the bees
How they cease to buzz
How we need to act
Maybe build a farm
Create a complete environment

He says they need certain flowers
Something to do with nutrition
Or surviving the cold
To embrace their full potential
But, he continues to babble

He talks about their reproduction
How they are maternally run
So my mouth opens to respond
But, he carries on

My gaze has shifted though
Outside the window a bee passes
Soon followed by another
They whiz by in a sort of dance
Calling to me
Beckoning to join its picture perfect frame

I tap the glass
Feel its warmth
And while his back is turned
I leap through the screen

© 2016 Jessica Santos

Betrayal

You think you know someone
So you leave it all out
Groceries from the store
Dirty socks on the floor
Perhaps an open door
A bond has formed
To you its unbreakable
But do you really know them?
How they can quickly turn
All the while accusing you
Saying you’re shallow
Falling back on “old habits”
But what are they talking about?
Those so called habits
Only define who you are
It’s your job, your hobbies
Taking photographs
Helping others
Writing stories
So if they must question you
Why don’t you question them?
Maybe its time to close that door
Find another to explore
Just answer
So you can treasure
And search some more

© 2015 Jessica Santos