Tag Archives: beauty

The Silent Killer is NOT (Just) Cancer

Lurking within me is a beast waiting for the right time. And like its prey, I have little to no warning of when it will emerge. But best be reassured that there is no way of escape. Like Cancer, there is no cure or way for peace; but, few seek a resolution and instead many must suffer.

Little know or have even heard of this thing that will forever control my life. To some, it is considered “the Silent Killer” and to others it is much worse as some, like myself, considered death to be a relief. The pain alone becomes so strong so as to cause one to stare lovingly, longingly at any breakable or sharp object.

Then there is one’s diet. Remember all the foods traditionally savored and enjoyed, like ice cream, cake, cookies, candy, there are even more that one must deny the pleasure of consuming. All are a special case but all crave for a whispering taste of any deliscious morsel.

And I can’t forget one of the most fought for natural right of one’s womenhood. Because if we dare to consider the thought of children, then we must prepare for a long hard battle that many fail to ever win though some do. Yet, it is through many attempts, calculations, drugs and tears that such a feat is obtained.

Do not forget though that often those who are deadly end up become secretly passed along so as many after may suffer through similar difficulties.

A sure sign of such is the taunt and glances of many upon another whose looks are not entirely of the norm. Those, like myself, are all too familiar with the daily battles against one’s own hair as this beast enjoys to lay its tail like a mustache upon our upper lip. Its hair could also be shed upon other parts of our body so as to create an art peice of its own.

But who is this artist? this mastermind? this beast? It is none other than Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.

If any knows of its slow death then it is well known that it not only gives physical torment but mental too. For how can one continue with life, when many only offer temporary aid. Is it not better to succomb to the beast’s ultimate wish? Is that the only way for relief?

© 2016 Jessica Santos

Chocolate Croissants

Like any hopeful beauty, she dreamed day and night. But what she saw was not just a happy ending. No, it was much more than that. She saw what she wanted and needed with all her heart. It wasn’t to make or add to her happiness but to enhance it.

At night, amongst the many paintings and countless stories, she laid in bed. She didn’t see the white picket fence with flowers blooming all around. She didn’t see kids running across the yard or hear a baby crying through the window. She didn’t even see her own fame and glory. What she saw was not what everyone told her to dream.

There was a dog though. He slept on an old worn out leather chair he had claimed when he was a puppy. They tried to throw it out but he had hopped up on it and sat there like a royal king being carried around by his loyal subjects. The picture is hanging on a wall if you don’t believe it.

There was a man too. He didn’t claim a chair, instead he slept in the bed beside her holding her close. Yet, throughout the night, he would toss and turn either curling up in a ball, lying on his belly or submerged in the sea of blankets. It wouldn’t be for long though.

Because in the morning, he would wake up, stretch out and glance down to see her curled up in the crook of his arm. He was checking if she was awake or still drooling along his chest.

Of course she felt his subtle movement and stirred in her sleep. A dampness would reach her attention and as she moved to wipe her mouth, he would chuckle softly.

Embarrassed, she quickly tried to hide the evidence but it would always be too late. He caught her and even though it was a hassle to wash his shirt every day, he didn’t really mind. But, he never would admit it. He took too much pleasure teasing her about it as she tried to hide her actions by rubbing her eyes or pulling the covers up to hide her beautiful face.

Still, the top of her head would peak out tempting him to lightly tussle her hair. And as his chest rose and fell, she brushed her face against him purring all along.

Once he would stop, she would climb atop his waist and peer down at him. A smile would brighten her eyes and the final rays of the early morning sun would push through the blinds. He would check the time and the dog would begin his morning stretch before clumsily walking over to poke his nose between the sheets.

The man would jump away from the cold wet nose only to pat him on the head. She then would rub his ears just the way he liked it.

The satisfied pup would then curl up on the rug just below them and patiently wait as the man taunted her out of bed with the idea of coffee and sweets. It sounded good to her but it wasn’t until he said the magic phrase that would finally pull her out of bed. Chocolate croissants were always a weak point of hers and he knew her well.

They shared one final kiss in the misty morning air and that would always be the moment her eyes would flutter.

It wasn’t just a dream any more.

© 2016 Jessica Santos

Something About Summertime

It’s summertime for students and teachers alike. A time when everyone hangs out with their friends, significant others, and family.

I drive down the street and see several couples holding hands, kissing and laughing in merriment. Then, I get home and see my family and old friends who offer a sense of familiarity that you can’t get just anywhere. Everything seems to flow like the ocean that meets my toes.

Until, summer turns into weeks of repetition, stress for work, worry for tough classes and the inevitable question of “what am I doing with my life?” There’s just something about summer that everyone looks forward too but end up regretting their wish to be granted.

I’m currently in the middle of my summer and even though this is all hitting me, I still see the sun, sand and cool ocean water. After all, it is the little moments that one must hold onto. The hardships we face only heighten those brief seconds so that we may remember them as hours.

So as I curl up alone in bed missing the soothing warmth of my significant other as he is off at work, I smile as I remember the kiss he gave me when he said goodbye hours ago. It only lasted a second but it held a promise to love and cherish us the next time we met.

With that, I plan an outing with some friends to dump our worries in the ocean as we dive off a cliff and into its magical wonderful abyss.

© 2016 Jessica Santos

Pay Day

You can see her during the week
Working harder than any other
No one knows why
It’s a shit job after all
But she works her ass off
Making sandwiches to order
Scrubbing floors of their filth
And when she’s not there
She scrambles from class to class
Jotting down every other note
Eagerly taking in every word
Her hours are packed to the minute
Yet, on her one day off
She awakes at the crack of dawn
Listening to the steady rhythms of a soft beat
They echo her own
And when he awakes
Neither move to get up
He only tucks her deeper into his arms

© 2016 Jessica Santos