Tag Archives: acceptance

Hide and Seek

“Ready or not here I come!” he shouted as he opened his eyes and found me patiently sitting beside him.

Confused, he asked, “Aren’t you suppose to be hiding?”

Shrugging, I curled up beside him and pushed my back against his chest making him fall on to the bed and wrap his arms around me.

“I am hiding,” I said resting my head against his beating heart.

I heard the thunderous booming of his chuckling as he playfully teased, “I think you’ve forgotten how to play the game then.”

I shook my head, “When I was little, I was so tiny that I could fit inside the smallest space and hide away from the world…”

He lightly kissed the top of my head momentarily distracting me before I continued, “But now, with you, I feel like I shine brighter than the sun. So the greatest spot to hide would be right here in your arms.”

Kissing me softly on the lips, he looked at me curiously then covered my eyes and whispered, “Your turn.”

I sighed and closed my eyes. As he left the room, I began to count in my own darkness. I listened intently to hear his footsteps but not a sound was made. When I finally finished, I opened my eyes and searched the house.

I entered every room looking behind curtains, under beds, behind doors where I checked closets and hundreds of boxes holding our new furniture.

But, I couldn’t find him.

We only recently bought the house so there wasn’t much to hide around. So where could he be?

After searching and searching I returned to our room where my eyes rested on our orchid that sat on the windowsill. I smiled and walked over to its delicate resting place. Touching the sturdy leaves, I looked out into the street and giggled.

Dashing down the stairs and out the front door, I saw him sitting on a bench across the street in front of our neighbor’s yard.

He must have felt my gaze and looked up at me causing our eyes to momentarily meet. He smiled and beckoned me to join him.

Quickly, I snatched the keys we had left on top of an unopened box in the yard and joined him. He stood up and hugged me tight kissing my forehead before grabbing my hand and leading me down the street saying, “There is no best hiding spot as long as one is always looking.”

© 2016 Jessica Santos

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Something About Summertime

It’s summertime for students and teachers alike. A time when everyone hangs out with their friends, significant others, and family.

I drive down the street and see several couples holding hands, kissing and laughing in merriment. Then, I get home and see my family and old friends who offer a sense of familiarity that you can’t get just anywhere. Everything seems to flow like the ocean that meets my toes.

Until, summer turns into weeks of repetition, stress for work, worry for tough classes and the inevitable question of “what am I doing with my life?” There’s just something about summer that everyone looks forward too but end up regretting their wish to be granted.

I’m currently in the middle of my summer and even though this is all hitting me, I still see the sun, sand and cool ocean water. After all, it is the little moments that one must hold onto. The hardships we face only heighten those brief seconds so that we may remember them as hours.

So as I curl up alone in bed missing the soothing warmth of my significant other as he is off at work, I smile as I remember the kiss he gave me when he said goodbye hours ago. It only lasted a second but it held a promise to love and cherish us the next time we met.

With that, I plan an outing with some friends to dump our worries in the ocean as we dive off a cliff and into its magical wonderful abyss.

© 2016 Jessica Santos

I’m Here Old Friend

“Just let it go. But, how can I? Nothing is the same any more.”

Now, I’m not afraid of the change. I’m more afraid of what I know to be true. They say the truth hurts but the truth hardly ever surprises me except this time…

At first, I thought it was anger. Then, my day went on and as I focused on how to get rid of it, I realized how wrong I was. It wasn’t anger at all. Instead, it was pain and sadness.

I don’t typically cry to express these two emotions. It tends to brew and hide itself under a false sense of anger which explains my confusion. (If I were to cry, that is usually out of relief.) So, knowing this, I know I’m not ready to let go.

I’m not ready because I don’t want to see my best friend in his last best suit. And the most painful part is knowing that he’s suffering. He use to be someone I sought for comfort. He was my protector, my guide and my right hand.

So, how am I suppose to let it go when the biggest question in my mind is what can I possibly do to help even though I know there is nothing I nor anyone else can do?

© 2016 Jessica Santos

Broke

Thats the thing
Sometimes it fades away
Sometimes its just lost
No one wants to believe it
So we fight
Give it our all
Trying to change
But that doesn’t happen overnight
It takes time
Which is ironic
When it began with a split decision
Yet, here we are
Where day after day has piled up
Slowly spilling over the brim
Before finally breaking through
And rushing out

© 2016 Jessica Santos

Reality Check for the Parents of a Grown Daughter

Dear Parents,

Contrary to popular belief, I am not the baby any more. I traded in my baby fat for a pair of tits and an ass however big they are. I also somehow got a monthly bloody visitor thrown in the mix. She can be quite annoying, but oddly enough I catch myself anxiously awaiting her arrival from time to time.

Now, you may begin to think that this is just a “kid” whose acting out, rebelling or doesn’t understand the real world, but you are sadly wrong.

I’ve been hollered at by random guys, fending off the wrong crowd, fighting against peer pressure (even though at times I lost, but it did teach me several valuable lessons) and a witness to people walking in and out of my life. I admit that you probably have more experience in these fields, but you were once in my shoes. I’m sure you tried to have this discussion once before.

Regardless, I wanted to give you a heads up. I fuck, have a drink or two, and even experiment either with drugs or with life itself.

My goals haven’t changed though. I’m still working at being better than you (as you love to constantly remind me that this should be my number one goal). But, in order to do that, I have to gain more experience so that one day I can be in your shoes and warn my son or daughter against the very things I’m currently doing.

I promise that I’m doing this under my own consent and in full acknowledgement of what is going on. I know the harms of experimenting but I also see the many benefits as well.

Like I said, this is for my own good and I’m telling you now, because from my experience, it’s always better to be straight instead of beating the bush, even though figuratively speaking that can be very fun.

No matter what though, you did teach me to always be honest with you and more importantly myself. So see me for what and who I am now, not the baby who use to run around the house naked (though I don’t deny that I still do that on those hot summer days) but as a new and rising adult.

Oh! And if I happen to come stumbling through the front door, then please help me out like you would a friend. I don’t need the lecture. I’m fairly certain I’ll be pretty pissed at myself for getting carried away, especially when that hangover hits me.

But, until then, love me for me and know that I’m in college now. It’s time to “broaden my horizon” and give a toast to life.

Cheers!

Your Loving ADULT Daughter